An Open Letter to Rihanna...

Dear Ms. Rihanna,

On behalf of all the freaks and kinky bitches as well as the victims of domestic violence and even the people who might not know the difference out there,  I would like to state for the record, something I'm afraid you have missed in your frenzied cry for attention (we get it, you're a good girl gone bad; you're so hard, yeah yeah yeah, so hard).

*ahem*

There is a difference between the play violence and consensual pain of S&M and domestic violence. 

Even if you categorize the famed incident with Chris Brown as something other than the abuse it appeared to be, please, please, for the health and safety of everyone who has been physically abused, and everyone who enjoys the sensation of pain, be very aware of how you talk about violence and pain.

No one wants to be a victim and you're not.  You've made that one clear.  You're hard!  You're a badass who sings while riding a pink tank! You're a gangsta for life!  Most of the songs on Rated R are about being the perpetrator of violence so the message appears to be that you're taking back control.  I'm not a huge fan of violence in general but I'm down with it; it's a message to the world that you're bigger than a single shitty public incident with a shitty boyfriend.

But the message you appear to be giving now--singing with Eminem on his song about abusing women, and again on the part 2 which is about beating up men, and showing up on pretty much every other recent song that mentions domestic violcence--seems to say that you condone violence, especially violence between domestic partners, indiscriminately.   (Alex DiBranco covers the major issues in Part 1 for Change.org better than I ever could.)  Making "S&M" the first song on Loud just drives that home, and the song is so cute and cheery that, well, Ri, it's hard to say whether you've really thought this one through.

The problem is that many women don't know the difference between consensual violence, pain that feels good, and abuse.  And it's a lot to ask of a 22-year-old to know and preach the difference.  But Rihanna-babe, you haven't held back when singing about it, so I know you've thought about it.  I just ask that you consider your fans--especially the young female fans--and your message.   You have stated yourself that the relationship described in "Love the Way You Lie" is a complicated one.  No shit.  Talk about it.  Sing about the complexities of liking pain but not wanting to be hit by your angry boyfriend.  Make the case for the difference and show that you recognize it. 

You're smarter than you let on, Rihanna, and you have the luxury of a bad girl persona to protect you.  Most women don't.